BuSYMOMHAVEN

How We Keep the Spark Alive While Raising Tiny Humans

Let’s be real for a second. Raising kids is beautiful. Magical, even. But it’s also incredibly hard on relationships. You go from whispering sweet nothings on lazy Sunday mornings to whisper-yelling “SHHH, the baby’s finally asleep!” over a pile of unfolded laundry at 9:43 p.m. Between diapers, meltdowns, school pick-ups, work emails, and trying to remember when you last showered, your relationship can easily take a back seat. And honestly, it’s no one’s fault—it’s just life when you’re in the thick of parenting. But over the years, my partner and I have learned that keeping the spark alive doesn’t mean recreating our pre-kid life. It means finding small, consistent ways to stay connected while navigating the beautiful chaos of raising tiny humans. Here’s what’s been working for us. Not perfectly. Not every day. But in ways that feel real, doable, and meaningful.

RELATIONSHIP WELLNESS

4/7/20254 min read

1. We Don’t Wait for “Free Time”—We Schedule Connection

Before kids, we had time. After kids? We have Google Calendar.

We learned the hard way that waiting for the “perfect moment” to connect meant it rarely happened. Now we schedule it—weekly check-ins, date nights, and even 15-minute coffee chats.

We use shared calendars and visual reminders to prioritize us.

🛍️ Our Pick:
📅 Skylight Digital Calendar for Families
This sleek touchscreen calendar syncs with all our digital calendars. We use it to block off “connection time”—and yes, the kids know not to interrupt during that window.

2. We Built a “Kid-Free” Bedroom Sanctuary

If your bedroom feels like a laundry pit/playroom/catch-all zone, it’s time to reclaim it.

We created a “sacred space” in our bedroom where toys, tablets, and tantrums aren’t allowed. Just soft lighting, cozy bedding, and the kind of peace that invites intimacy.

We invested in comfort and ambiance—and it’s changed everything.

🛍️ Our top Picks:
🛏️ Tuft & Needle Original Foam Mattress – Queen
A quality mattress can improve sleep and the… other stuff. You deserve comfort, support, and that “hotel feel” at home.

🕯️ Levoit Himalayan Salt Lamp
This warm, glowing lamp sets the perfect mood at night—and the soft light is way more flattering than the ceiling bulb.

🧺 Bamboo Laundry Hamper with Lid & Divider
Because nothing kills the mood like tripping over a pile of Paw Patrol pajamas.

3. We Create Micro-Moments of Affection

Intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. It’s in the small things:

Holding hands while watching Netflix.
A kiss in the kitchen during dinner prep.
A 5-second back rub while passing in the hallway.

These micro-moments help maintain emotional closeness, even when time (and energy) are short.

We’ve also started using rituals—like gratitude exercises or evening tea—to unwind together.

🛍️ Our top Pick:
☕ Breville Smart Tea Infuser Kettle
We brew a calming tea before bed and talk about our highs and lows for the day. This little routine turned into our favorite part of the night.

4. We Use a Couple’s Journal for Emotional Intimacy

Emotional connection doesn’t happen automatically, especially when you’re both tired, stressed, and touched out.

So we journal together. Once or twice a week, we answer a few prompts to reconnect on a deeper level.

It helps us feel seen, heard, and loved—even if the day was hard.

🛍️ Our top Pick:
📓 The Adventure Challenge: Couples Edition
This isn’t just a journal—it’s a book of creative, surprise date ideas that get you talking and laughing again. Best part? You do the activities together and capture memories in real time.

5. We Prioritize Date Nights (Even at Home)

You don’t need a babysitter and $300 to have a great date night.

We’ve had romantic date nights right in our living room, using a projector, a themed dinner, or just a charcuterie board and wine after the kids are asleep.

Sometimes we even dress up (yes, just for each other), light candles, and put our phones away.

🛍️ Our top Picks:
📽️ Yaber Pro V9 4K Projector with WiFi and Bluetooth
We use this projector to turn our backyard or bedroom into a cozy movie theater. It’s one of the best things we’ve ever bought.

🍷 Riedel Wine Glasses + Wine Decanter Set
When the kids are asleep and the house is quiet, there’s something magical about pouring a glass of wine and just being us again.

6. We Send Each Other “Love Nudges” Throughout the Day

Even when we’re apart—whether I’m on shift at the hospital or my husband’s out with the kids—we stay connected with little check-ins.

Text messages. Memes. A photo of the baby’s wild hair. A “thinking of you” voice note.

It’s not about being sappy—it’s about staying emotionally close, even when life pulls us in different directions.

We also use a little gadget that adds a layer of magic:

🛍️ Our top Pick:
💞 Bond Touch Long Distance Touch Bracelets (Pair)
We each wear one. When one of us taps the bracelet, the other feels it vibrate. It’s a silent, meaningful way to say, “I’m thinking of you,” without a word.

7. We Try Something New Every Month

Raising kids can feel repetitive and predictable. So we decided to break the monotony—on purpose.

Every month, we try something new together:

A new recipe
A new show
A local hiking trail
A dance class (from YouTube, because babysitters are $$$)

It keeps our bond fresh and adds excitement to the routine.

🛍️ Our top Pick:
🎮 Oculus Meta Quest 2 VR Headset (Bundle)
We tried VR gaming one night and laughed so hard. It’s like a mini adventure from home—and yes, it counts as cardio.

8. We Have “Crisis Codes” for When One of Us is Overwhelmed

Let’s be real—some days are just awful. The toddler is teething, the tween is throwing attitude, and dinner is burning.

Instead of snapping at each other, we now use a “code” to signal that one of us is at capacity.

Ours is:
🛑 “I’m waving the red flag.”

It’s our non-defensive way of saying, “Please take over. I’m drowning.”

Having this built-in empathy tool has saved us from countless arguments and helped us be more supportive teammates.

Pro tip: Use a whiteboard or communication tool on your fridge so both of you can check in on each other’s mental load.

🛍️Our top Pick:
📝 Magnetic Weekly Planner for Fridge
We use this to map out the week, divide tasks fairly, and avoid “invisible labor” battles. It’s our secret weapon.

9. We Protect Our Sleep—Because a Tired Couple Isn’t a Loving Couple

No one’s sexy or patient when they’re exhausted. That’s just science.

We’ve learned to treat sleep as a sacred part of our relationship. That means investing in tools that improve rest, reduce interruptions, and help us feel like functioning humans again.

🛍️ Our top Pick:
🛌 SoundAsleep Dream Series Air Mattress (for guests/kids)
We use this for when one kid is sick or refuses to sleep alone—it saves our bed (and sanity).

Final Thoughts: Intimacy After Kids is Different—but Deeper

If you’re feeling distant in your marriage right now, I want to say this:

You’re not broken. You’re not alone. And you’re not failing.

Parenthood is a massive shift—for your identity, your body, your relationship. It’s normal to feel disconnected sometimes.

But the spark isn’t gone—it’s just waiting to be rekindled.

Start small. Hold hands. Send a text. Brew tea. Light a candle. Schedule 20 minutes together this weekend and guard it like gold.

Because when you make your connection a priority, you’re not just nurturing your relationship—you’re modeling love, partnership, and commitment for those tiny humans watching you.